Waiting....

I'm still waiting for my results on everything, it's been a week and I haven't heard anything from anyone. Josh seems to think that when I go into my appt. Thursday they will go over eveything with me. Well they say sometimes that no news is good news, so in my head I'm thinking that if it was really bad they would call me, but then again there isn't anything they can do about it until she's born, so what would be the point.
We had a nice quiet weekend. I think Josh has felt obligated to hang around with me and keep my mind off things. He took me and the kids, and my niece Haylie to the Bounce Zone down in Saco, which basically is a giant sports complex thing. They had a blast. I haven't mentioned anything to them about the baby yet until I find out more information. I don't want Chevelle to worry or get upset, she is very sensitive.
I have been feeling a little better about everything lately, I feel like when it comes down to it I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way. The first couple of days I think I drove Google nuts with my constant searching of anything I could find on hydrocephalus. I have to say Google beacame my worst enemy, because nothing I found seemed too encouraging or hopeful. I eventually came across different support groups, some which had links to families blogs whose children were born with hydrocephalus. This made me feel a little better because some of them had pretty good outcomes, others not so good, but it gives me hope.
I have to say when I first heard the news, all I could picture was taking care of someone in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and I have to admit I had some selfish thoughts, like Josh is going to be mad because we're supposed to travel the world when the kids are grown, how are we supposed to do that now? I know it seems horrible and silly, but I wasn't thinking straight. After I had time to reflect and think about it my thoughts turned into just not wanting my child to suffer or be in pain. I want them to have a happy life with no limitations, and god knows life is hard enough when you're able-bodied, never mind having physical and mental limitations. I also thought about Chevelle and Ethan, and my fear that they will feel neglected if I have to spend a lot of time in hospitals and a lot of time caring for Lilah. I also cried for Chevelle because she was so excited to have this sister. Brittany passed away before she was born, and all she would talk about was how bad she wanted a sister that she could know and play with. I'm worried that she will never get to play with her like she wanted to. Josh says what is the difference she's still going to have a sister? He always knows what to say to make me feel better.