Last pregnancy photo!
I am currently writing this from my laptop inside Maine Medical Prenatal Care Unit. I went to my planned ultrasound at Generations, and the hydro has progressed. They feel the risks of keeping her in there far outweigh the risks of taking her 7 weeks early. After sitting down with Dr. Pinette and Dr. Allen (neurologist) and going over the catscans and all the risks, I am very pleased with their decision and I believe it is the right one for Lilah. I also feel it gives her the best chance at a somewhat "normal" level of intelligence. As it is now Allen told me given the severity she has a 50% chance of Ceribral Palsy, and I'm sure that number would increase if they had decided to keep her in there. A bit of good news from them is they have decided to put off installing a shunt. They are going to go in through the soft spot in the top of her head and install an external drain, that will drain the fluid into a device on the side of her bed. If this method works we might avoid the whole shunt issue all together which would be fantastic seeing as once the shunt goes in she will always have to have it. Also shunts have a high failure rate, and a high infection rate, and I would hate to see her suffer these multiple invasive surgeries. As far as the prematurity issue goes, I am 33 weeks, and she weighs 4 pounds, so chances are this isn't going to be a huge problem.
I was able to take a tour of the NICU, which will be her home for at least a couple of weeks. It wasn't as scary as I aniticipated, and all the rooms are private, so it gives you a quiet place to bond with the baby. I spoke with the Neonatologist, and he explained that she might have to go on a ventilator if she was having breathing issues, or it may just be as simple as having a little oxygen. They have admitted me a couple days early than my scheduled C-section, and have been giving me steroid injection to mature her lungs. All the staff here have been wonderful, and have been able to answer all my question to my satisfaction.
I am scheduled to go in tomorrow at 7:30 am, and I have to say my anxiety is starting to kick in. I literally only had a day to process this and take it all in. I go in for an appointment and the next thing you know they're admitting me. I thought I at least had a couple more weeks to mentally prepare myself, although I don't know if anybody is really mentally prepared for this. I watched a couple videos on C-sections provided by the nurses, and the doc who is going to be delivering her came down and explained the procedure. I am not that scared about the procedure itself, I am a little nervous about the healing process afterwards, I honestly don't have the highest tolerance for pain. It's hard not to think about the risks of something happening when you have a husband and small children, I know it's a simple surgery, but that's always in the back of your mind, especially with my luck lol My sister Kat was able to bring in the kids to see me today. I figured it would be better to see me and know I'm fine instead of bringing them in when I'm hooked up to IVs and having trouble getting out of bed. Ethan tends to jump on me alot, so I know that wouldn't be a pleasant thing. I explained to them that she was going to be in here for awhile, taht we wouldn't be immeadiately taking her home, Chevelle seemed a little upset by this, but I told her the NICU allowed siblings to visit the baby as long as they were vaccinated and cold-free. I also told her I would be out in at least 3 days, and I would bring her here after school everyday if she wanted to.
When I was first admitted they asked me if I had a preferred religion, and I told them no. I mean I was baptized Catholic, and had my first communion and all that, but I haven't even been to church since I was 1o (unless you count the millions of funerals I've been to. So the said if I wanted I could speak with a spritual advisor, they don't really have a donomination, and they don't pressure you or anything, they just kind of come in and talk with you, so I said hey what can it hurt. She came in earlier and was really nice, she didn't try to talk to me about God or anything, and she just said she would head down to the chapel and say a prayer for me so I thought that was nice. If there is a God I guess I could use all the praying there is. They also sent in a reiki healer to perform a treatment. Reike is basically a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing, the healer lays his hands on you, and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If your energy is low you are much more apt to feel stressed or sick, and when it is high we are more capable of being happy and healthy. They say it is capable of helping virtually every known ailment and malady and always creates a beneficial effect It may sound weird and all voodoo-e, but it actually made me feel really relaxed almost like being hypnotized, and you can feel the heat radiating off the healers hands, not normal heat either, it's quite hot. It also put me in much better spirits. Of course this could all be in my head, but what the hell if it makes me feel better and gives me hope, than what can it hurt, and I have always been one to say don't knock it until you try it. While we are on the topic of religion, I have to say this life force energy and the power of positive energy associated with healing sickness makes much more sense to me than the idea that there is a God up there just fucking around with everyones fate. He just points his finger and says you'll be normal and healthy and that innocent child there will die a painful death from leukemia. I know some religous people tell you that that's is not how it works, but I also know many that go on and on about god's will, and how it's meant to be and he doesn't give you more than you can handle. I think that is utter bullshit, because if that's the case that why would he make me suffer through the death of one child, the heart problems of another, and a baby on the way with a severe problem with her brain. I mean I can see one tragedy, but come on three. I must have done something pretty bad to deserve that it someones eyes. I still refuse to be broken, and I will always move on, and I will always deal, that is my way. It always has been and it always will be, so I say bring it on, I will tackle any problems that come my way with everything I have, and I will to my best to ensure my child has the best life possible regardless of the outcome. I thank you for listenting, and hopefully I will have my beautiful daughter come into this earth happy and as healthy as she can be. I will update first chance I get with lots of pics!!
I was able to take a tour of the NICU, which will be her home for at least a couple of weeks. It wasn't as scary as I aniticipated, and all the rooms are private, so it gives you a quiet place to bond with the baby. I spoke with the Neonatologist, and he explained that she might have to go on a ventilator if she was having breathing issues, or it may just be as simple as having a little oxygen. They have admitted me a couple days early than my scheduled C-section, and have been giving me steroid injection to mature her lungs. All the staff here have been wonderful, and have been able to answer all my question to my satisfaction.
I am scheduled to go in tomorrow at 7:30 am, and I have to say my anxiety is starting to kick in. I literally only had a day to process this and take it all in. I go in for an appointment and the next thing you know they're admitting me. I thought I at least had a couple more weeks to mentally prepare myself, although I don't know if anybody is really mentally prepared for this. I watched a couple videos on C-sections provided by the nurses, and the doc who is going to be delivering her came down and explained the procedure. I am not that scared about the procedure itself, I am a little nervous about the healing process afterwards, I honestly don't have the highest tolerance for pain. It's hard not to think about the risks of something happening when you have a husband and small children, I know it's a simple surgery, but that's always in the back of your mind, especially with my luck lol My sister Kat was able to bring in the kids to see me today. I figured it would be better to see me and know I'm fine instead of bringing them in when I'm hooked up to IVs and having trouble getting out of bed. Ethan tends to jump on me alot, so I know that wouldn't be a pleasant thing. I explained to them that she was going to be in here for awhile, taht we wouldn't be immeadiately taking her home, Chevelle seemed a little upset by this, but I told her the NICU allowed siblings to visit the baby as long as they were vaccinated and cold-free. I also told her I would be out in at least 3 days, and I would bring her here after school everyday if she wanted to.
When I was first admitted they asked me if I had a preferred religion, and I told them no. I mean I was baptized Catholic, and had my first communion and all that, but I haven't even been to church since I was 1o (unless you count the millions of funerals I've been to. So the said if I wanted I could speak with a spritual advisor, they don't really have a donomination, and they don't pressure you or anything, they just kind of come in and talk with you, so I said hey what can it hurt. She came in earlier and was really nice, she didn't try to talk to me about God or anything, and she just said she would head down to the chapel and say a prayer for me so I thought that was nice. If there is a God I guess I could use all the praying there is. They also sent in a reiki healer to perform a treatment. Reike is basically a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing, the healer lays his hands on you, and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If your energy is low you are much more apt to feel stressed or sick, and when it is high we are more capable of being happy and healthy. They say it is capable of helping virtually every known ailment and malady and always creates a beneficial effect It may sound weird and all voodoo-e, but it actually made me feel really relaxed almost like being hypnotized, and you can feel the heat radiating off the healers hands, not normal heat either, it's quite hot. It also put me in much better spirits. Of course this could all be in my head, but what the hell if it makes me feel better and gives me hope, than what can it hurt, and I have always been one to say don't knock it until you try it. While we are on the topic of religion, I have to say this life force energy and the power of positive energy associated with healing sickness makes much more sense to me than the idea that there is a God up there just fucking around with everyones fate. He just points his finger and says you'll be normal and healthy and that innocent child there will die a painful death from leukemia. I know some religous people tell you that that's is not how it works, but I also know many that go on and on about god's will, and how it's meant to be and he doesn't give you more than you can handle. I think that is utter bullshit, because if that's the case that why would he make me suffer through the death of one child, the heart problems of another, and a baby on the way with a severe problem with her brain. I mean I can see one tragedy, but come on three. I must have done something pretty bad to deserve that it someones eyes. I still refuse to be broken, and I will always move on, and I will always deal, that is my way. It always has been and it always will be, so I say bring it on, I will tackle any problems that come my way with everything I have, and I will to my best to ensure my child has the best life possible regardless of the outcome. I thank you for listenting, and hopefully I will have my beautiful daughter come into this earth happy and as healthy as she can be. I will update first chance I get with lots of pics!!
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