Some updates..

Sleeping like a little princess <3


That funny thing on top of her head is her drain ) :







Things have been pretty hectic lately, but I want to make sure I try to keep up with all that's been going on with the baby and everything else. Lilah had her drain put in Friday, about 4 hours after her birth. I was able to go up and see her the next morning, and I was glad that the drain didn't look as awful as I had imagined it in my head. The fluid that comes out is a very odd color, it resembles iodine a little bit. I couldn't believe how much was in there, but our bodies constantly produce it, so it wasn't like all that was in her head at birth. I didn't think her head looked big when she was born, but I guess it had shrunk down 2 centimeters since birth. She looked a little better than I had remembered from the night before, and she was sleeping peacefully. The neonatologist told me the plan was to keep the drain in about a week, then see how the draining would go on it's own. Monday I was released from the hospital, and I have to say it was heart wrenching for me. I have given birth to three children, and they all have come home with me, so this was a very surreal, sad experience for me. My doctor offered to have me stay there an extra day, but I didn't think it would do anybody any good. My kids at home needed me, and missed me a lot, as I missed them. Before I left Monday Josh and I went up to the NICU to see how she was doing, she was awake the whole time and seemed very irritable. The nurse told us she wasn't sleeping very well, probably because she was in a little bit of pain. They don't like to keep them constantly doped up with pain killers, because then they come to rely on them. They like to have them deal with the pain, unless it seems they are extremely uncomfortable. They also started feeding her my breast milk which wasn't going over that well, she was putting out more than she was getting in. They had her at 6 cc's every 4 hours. She was peeing and pooping alright, but she was extremely gassy. The nurse pulled a tremendous amount of gas out of her belly. She also let me know that the digestive issue is a common problem in preemies, it is something they expect.



I spoke with the neonatologist, and they were running numerous tests on her to try to find the reason for the brain bleed. They were worried she might have a bleeding disorder, such as hemophilia, because her initial platelet levels were low. They re-tested and they came back normal, and all the tests they ran on her for clotting disorders and bleeding disorders came back normal. Like the doc said that is good news, but it doesn't give us any answers as to why she has this. He told me it's most likely one of those things that happens and we'll never know why.



When we arrived home I was a little on the weepy side, but I did ok. I feel so bad that I can't hold her, I mean it is such an odd feeling to have a child that is already 5 days old and you have never held her. At this point I would give anything for that. It is so funny the things you take for granted.



Today was a really good day. My mom Josh and I went to the hospital to see Lilah, and the nurse came in and told me she had a wonderful night. She seemed to be sleeping a lot more comfortably, and she wasn't nearly as fussy. She is still on a saturation of 40 % oxygen, and she seems to like it at that, because everytime they lower it her sats go down to the 80's. She also told me that she has kept my milk down, and was up to 15 cc's. She told me that Dr. Allen had been in every night around 5 to check in on how the draining was going, and he was impressed with everything. He happened to show up when I was there, and he told me that he was going to take the drain out Thursday, and he would do a quick ultrasound of her head, and take things from there. He said he would know by Monday if the fluid wasn't going to continue draining, and then he would have to re-insert it, and most likely continue doing that until she is strong enough to recieve a shunt. The best news of all was that if they take it out, I will finally get to hold her. I know once I am able to do that it will give me the strength to get through the next couple weeks. I am taking these bits of good info as little miracles. I know she is a fighter, she comes from my family ( : So I am proceeding with cautious optimism, I don't want to get my hopes up too high, but things have definately started looking up.

Lilah's Here!!!

As you all know I was scheduled for my C-Section for 7:30 yesterday morning. They were right on time, thank god for small favors. I was so scared I didn't sleep the whole night. Speaking with the anestegiologist that morning put some of my worries to rest, although she said there is a slight chance we place the spinal too high and you might have trouble breathing. Now with my anxiety problems, when someone tells me I might have trouble breathing I swear my mind will trick me into thinking I can't breathe. Well they wheeled me in and placed the spinal, which was not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be, and I was instantly numb. They laid me back and put the curtain up. The doctor was amazing, he was cracking jokes the whole time telling me how I was the perfect patient, and how I didn't seem scared and how good I was doing. What most people don't know is when I appear to be calm it means that I am REALLY scared shitless. He calls Josh in, so I thought he was about to get started, what I didn't realize was that he had already started, and it was literally like 3 minutes after they called Josh in that she was out. Josh of course was facinated by all of this, he definately isn't squeemish, he actually thinks it's "cool". She came out pretty purple so I was worried for a couple minutes, and I didn't hear her cry at all, but then she pinked right up and started crying. It wasn't the strongest cry, but it was there nonetheless. I really had a weird calmness about me. It was very surreal. I think I was almost in shock. The funny thing is I had all these horrible thoughts of what she might look like, but when she came out to me she was perfect (although all moms say this I'm sure) She was born at 7:58 and weighed 4 pounds 3 ounces (more than I thought) and was 17 inches, she looked tiny, but I wasn't that shocked or anything by her size. I started to feel a little light headed and weird, but again my vitals looked good, so I think it was just a combination of lack of sleep, and all the craziness going on around me. I got to see her briefly before they brought her up to the NICU.

They wheeled me up to recovery and told me that when I started getting sensation back in my legs they would wheel me up on the bed to see her. I immeditaley started feeling sick as soon as the wheeled me into recovery, and I pretty much spent 8 hours throwing up anything I put into my mouth, even a sip of water. They brought me up to see her, and she ended up having to be on a ventilator, which isn't really a rare thing in a 33 week preemie. I visited with her for a couple minutes and they wheeled me back down. This is when my tempature started to drop and I developed hypothermia. They think it was a side effect of the spinal, it was weird because I wasn't cold, I was actually sweating.My temp was 93, so they had to stick me inside this "bear hug" thing that heats you up. I thought I was going to die I was so hot. I had no pain, but I guess the spinal works for up to 24 hours with pain management, and I definately felt it this morning. Unfortunately they can't really give me anything stronger than a motrin, because I am pumping my milk for her. I wasn't planning on breastfeeding initially, but it is the best thing for preemies to help with their weight gain, and immune systems.

Dr. Allen came in yesterday briefly after installing the drain, and informed us that the swelling was worse than they thought, and after taking some of the fluid out they found a tiny cyst, which could be evidence of a stroke. This doesn't necessariyl mean anything different, he still gave us the same odds of 50% cerebral palsy, but he also said the preemie brain sometimes has a way of "re-routing" itself and it would just be a wait and see thing. I know they don't like giving you any false hope, but it's also nice to know that everybody is different and nothing is set in stone. The doctor who delivered me said that he has seen traumatic brain injuries in babies that made miraculous recoveries, I know he isn't a neurologist, but it's nice to hear a positive word from a doctor.

They took my catheter out today so I was able to get around, and I felt alot better. I was able t0 eat something, and surprisingly I slept pretty well last night. I was starting to get a little bit weepy, I have stayed pretty strong so far, but I think everything was just starting to catch up to me, so Josh went up to the NICU to see how Lilah was doing, and she was off the ventillator, had her eyes open, and was looking all around. He took a picture of her for me and it made me feel alot better. He also arranged for them to keep a wheelchair outside my door so he can bring me up there when I want. I was feeling a lot stronger so he brought me up , and I got to hold her little hand and visit with her for a while. It was just what I needed to get me out of my funk. It is a weird feeling to see your child and not be able to hold them or comfort them, I feel like I might miss out on the bonding process lol It also made me miss Chevelle and Ethan horribly. I don't want them to feel neglected. They got the chance to see her yesterday, so I was real happy about that. They are already so in love with her, as we all are! Kristin and Kat came yesterday too, and Kristin was like she looks so normal, like she was expecting her to have two heads or something haha I am going to try to get some more rest, becasue kristie is bringing up my mom and her mother from Mass to visit. I am looking forward to seeing everyone, and we are continuing to take thing one day at a time, and focusing on all the positive things no matter how little they may seem.

Update from the Hospital

Last pregnancy photo!

I am currently writing this from my laptop inside Maine Medical Prenatal Care Unit. I went to my planned ultrasound at Generations, and the hydro has progressed. They feel the risks of keeping her in there far outweigh the risks of taking her 7 weeks early. After sitting down with Dr. Pinette and Dr. Allen (neurologist) and going over the catscans and all the risks, I am very pleased with their decision and I believe it is the right one for Lilah. I also feel it gives her the best chance at a somewhat "normal" level of intelligence. As it is now Allen told me given the severity she has a 50% chance of Ceribral Palsy, and I'm sure that number would increase if they had decided to keep her in there. A bit of good news from them is they have decided to put off installing a shunt. They are going to go in through the soft spot in the top of her head and install an external drain, that will drain the fluid into a device on the side of her bed. If this method works we might avoid the whole shunt issue all together which would be fantastic seeing as once the shunt goes in she will always have to have it. Also shunts have a high failure rate, and a high infection rate, and I would hate to see her suffer these multiple invasive surgeries. As far as the prematurity issue goes, I am 33 weeks, and she weighs 4 pounds, so chances are this isn't going to be a huge problem.
I was able to take a tour of the NICU, which will be her home for at least a couple of weeks. It wasn't as scary as I aniticipated, and all the rooms are private, so it gives you a quiet place to bond with the baby. I spoke with the Neonatologist, and he explained that she might have to go on a ventilator if she was having breathing issues, or it may just be as simple as having a little oxygen. They have admitted me a couple days early than my scheduled C-section, and have been giving me steroid injection to mature her lungs. All the staff here have been wonderful, and have been able to answer all my question to my satisfaction.
I am scheduled to go in tomorrow at 7:30 am, and I have to say my anxiety is starting to kick in. I literally only had a day to process this and take it all in. I go in for an appointment and the next thing you know they're admitting me. I thought I at least had a couple more weeks to mentally prepare myself, although I don't know if anybody is really mentally prepared for this. I watched a couple videos on C-sections provided by the nurses, and the doc who is going to be delivering her came down and explained the procedure. I am not that scared about the procedure itself, I am a little nervous about the healing process afterwards, I honestly don't have the highest tolerance for pain. It's hard not to think about the risks of something happening when you have a husband and small children, I know it's a simple surgery, but that's always in the back of your mind, especially with my luck lol My sister Kat was able to bring in the kids to see me today. I figured it would be better to see me and know I'm fine instead of bringing them in when I'm hooked up to IVs and having trouble getting out of bed. Ethan tends to jump on me alot, so I know that wouldn't be a pleasant thing. I explained to them that she was going to be in here for awhile, taht we wouldn't be immeadiately taking her home, Chevelle seemed a little upset by this, but I told her the NICU allowed siblings to visit the baby as long as they were vaccinated and cold-free. I also told her I would be out in at least 3 days, and I would bring her here after school everyday if she wanted to.
When I was first admitted they asked me if I had a preferred religion, and I told them no. I mean I was baptized Catholic, and had my first communion and all that, but I haven't even been to church since I was 1o (unless you count the millions of funerals I've been to. So the said if I wanted I could speak with a spritual advisor, they don't really have a donomination, and they don't pressure you or anything, they just kind of come in and talk with you, so I said hey what can it hurt. She came in earlier and was really nice, she didn't try to talk to me about God or anything, and she just said she would head down to the chapel and say a prayer for me so I thought that was nice. If there is a God I guess I could use all the praying there is. They also sent in a reiki healer to perform a treatment. Reike is basically a Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that also promotes healing, the healer lays his hands on you, and is based on the idea that an unseen "life force energy" flows through us and is what causes us to be alive. If your energy is low you are much more apt to feel stressed or sick, and when it is high we are more capable of being happy and healthy. They say it is capable of helping virtually every known ailment and malady and always creates a beneficial effect It may sound weird and all voodoo-e, but it actually made me feel really relaxed almost like being hypnotized, and you can feel the heat radiating off the healers hands, not normal heat either, it's quite hot. It also put me in much better spirits. Of course this could all be in my head, but what the hell if it makes me feel better and gives me hope, than what can it hurt, and I have always been one to say don't knock it until you try it. While we are on the topic of religion, I have to say this life force energy and the power of positive energy associated with healing sickness makes much more sense to me than the idea that there is a God up there just fucking around with everyones fate. He just points his finger and says you'll be normal and healthy and that innocent child there will die a painful death from leukemia. I know some religous people tell you that that's is not how it works, but I also know many that go on and on about god's will, and how it's meant to be and he doesn't give you more than you can handle. I think that is utter bullshit, because if that's the case that why would he make me suffer through the death of one child, the heart problems of another, and a baby on the way with a severe problem with her brain. I mean I can see one tragedy, but come on three. I must have done something pretty bad to deserve that it someones eyes. I still refuse to be broken, and I will always move on, and I will always deal, that is my way. It always has been and it always will be, so I say bring it on, I will tackle any problems that come my way with everything I have, and I will to my best to ensure my child has the best life possible regardless of the outcome. I thank you for listenting, and hopefully I will have my beautiful daughter come into this earth happy and as healthy as she can be. I will update first chance I get with lots of pics!!

Surprises

Baby shower pics!

A little weekly update before I head to all my doctor appointments tomorrow. I was feeling pretty good this week emotionally. I have been taking everyones advice about thinking positively and trying to be in good spirits. Wednesday my sister Kat called and told me I had to leave my house, that she had a surprise for me. She works for a cleaning company, and they all came in and cleaned my house top to bottom. They did everything I hate doing, dusting, mopping, washing windows etc. It was such a nice surprise. I was glad to know that people cared enough to do something like that for me. One of the girls that cleaned my house is due the same day as me and I know how uncomfortable it is to be 7 months pregnant. She works every day, and took the time to clean my house, so I was extremely appreciative.
I was expecting my in-laws on Saturday, which I was excited for, because I love having people around. Kristin's friend Elisha came up with my mom to stay the weekend with her, and my friend Kristie came up with Kate. In hindsight I should have thought something was up because I've lived up here for 3 years and never have had that many people just happen to come up on the same weekend. My sister Kristin asked if I could take a ride with her to Wal-mart and when we came home there was a surprise baby shower waiting for me. I guess my sister had planned it for a couple months, which was no easy thing to do considering most of my friends and family live in Mass. I wasn't even planning on having a shower so it was nice, and I definately can use the gifts seeing as how we don't have much money at the moment. It's funny because we planned this baby because we were financially stable, and I was looking forward to buying all these cute things and decorating the nursery, and now I'm scared we're going to have to struggle to get just the essentials for her.
Kristie and Kate helped me set up the things I did get for the shower and put all the clothes away, and when it was all done I had an extreme sense of anxiety, because it made it all "real" for me. I'm thinking to myself wow she's going to be here in 7 weeks, and then I am going to have to deal with all the worries and unknowns and anxieties that are going to come with her birth. At least when she is in me I know she is safe, once she is out who knows, it's up in the air. I will post with an update tomorrow when I get back from the docs.

Two Months Left...

Two months left to go!!!

I finally had my "normal" doctor appointment Friday.I go every two weeks until next month, then it's once a week. It was nice to go into a doctors office and not be a nervous wreck. Dr. Adams was so sweet about everything and told me she was sending all her positive energy and prayers my way. She is also in direct contact with Dr. Pinette from fetal-maternal medicine about everything that is going on. I recieved a call from Adams yesterday saying they were switching me to weekly ultrasounds to check growth and everything since Pinette will mostly focus on the brain. That means weekly ultrasounds from Pinettes and Adams, not that I mind looking at the baby, but it's difficult making arrangements with the kids and other appointments and everything. I also have to go and get my blood drawn once a week to check my RH antibodies, they can't go over 8 out of 32 (whatever the hell that means) right now they're at 1, so it's nothing to be concerned about at this point. Dr. Pinette called me and my next ultrasound with them is next Wednesday, and I was originally supposed to go down to Scarborough afterwards to meet with the neurologist, but they called me and informed me that he wants to come up and take a look at the ultrasound himself and meet with me there at Pinettes. I don't know why but that makes me uneasy for some reason. I guess I'm just being paranoid.
I had a nice weekend with the family. My sister Kristin's B-day was Sunday, so I took her out to eat, and then we came back here and ate a cheesecake I made for her. Randy and Ryan came over, I was happy to see them, it had been awhile. I like having a lot of people around me, it keeps my mind of things. My sister Kat and her boyfriend Chris moved out. I will definately miss having my nephew Jackson around, but I am happy that they are starting this new chapter in their lives. Josh has been super busy lately trying to get everything going with the business. Thank god it seems to be an early spring, because in his business you can't make money unless the weather is nice. It must be a lot of stress and pressure on him to do this, but he seems to be handling it pretty well. I am really proud of him, but also nervous how everything is going to go. I just have to have faith in him, he is full of ambition and if anyone can make it work, he can.

Back From the Docs

I went in today for a follow-up ultrasound and to speak with the genetic counselers. I kind of feel like I left with more questions than answers. They said the amnio was normal, so I guess that is good news (I think), and they said that it hasn't gotten any worse, so I guess that is good news too. They did say that the MRI showed a brain bleed, and that it could of formed a clot that caused the ventricles to become blocked. They also said the ventricles were't formed correctly, they then went on to say that it might have been an antibody thing in my blood that wasn't compatible with Josh's blood that could of caused an abnormality. They sent me down to the lab to get blood drawn, then if something comes up they'll have Josh go in to check his blood. I guess the only purpose of this is if we plan to have more children, there could be a risk of this happening again. I have to get another ultrasound in two weeks, and meet with the neurologist, and they said he should have a better answer as to long term effects, and what to expect. He said it's a broad spectrum of outcomes. I then proceeded to draw a complete blank when asked if I had any questions. I am going to try to compose a list of things I want to ask, so that way when I go I won't forget anything important I think needs to be addressed. I got another picture of her profile, and she weighs 2 pounds 15 ounces, so she's growing good, she also is taking practice breaths, it was pretty cool to watch. Since I am still slightly confused, I don't feel any better or worse, I am kind of in the same position I was before I went in, and now another two weeks of this torturous waiting. I am just trying not to think about it and keep my mind occupied with other things. I have to just pretty much take this as a one day at a time thing, hope for the best, and focus on any good news I get, and hopefully that will ge tme through.

Still Waiting...

God this week has gone by so slow. Tomorrow is the day I go in to the docs to see if I can get any more answers. On one hand I don't even want to go, because I finally have been coping with the news that I got. I don't want to recieve any more bad news, and then feel sad and helpless until my next appointment. On the other hand I am hoping for more information and a better understanding of what I might be dealing with. The doc did tell me that there is a rare chance that when I get another ultrasound it could be normal, well that is what I am hoping for. If I ended up developing antibodies in my RH negative blood, which only happens in 2% of pregnancies, or my child might have hydrocephalus which occurs in 1 out of every 1000 births, then maybe that rare chance of everything turning out alright might happen to me. It's funny how it's always the rare bad stuff that happens to me, none of the good stuff, like winning the lottery or something. If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have no luck.
I think this baby wants to fight to be here, since I have had scares throughout my whole pregnancy, like the placenta previa, when the doctor told me my pregnancy was definately at risk, then the RH thing, now this. I feel like if all this has happened, and the baby is still alive and kicking then there is a reason for that. Josh has always said everything happens for a reason, and I've always thought that was bullshit, but now I have a feeling he could be right. I know I haven't always appreciated what I do have, and I have definately taken things for granted in the past. I honestly feel now that if I could just have happy and healthy kids, then that is all that matters. I will be satisfied with my life, and I'll never ask for anything else.
I keep going back and forth wondering if I will be able to handle all this. For some reason everybody around me thinks i'm this strong person, and I don't think that at all, I think they believe that because I don't show weakness or vulnerbility around anyone (Josh excluded). When I talk to people about this I make them think that everything will be ok, that I'm not scared shitless, when the truth is that I am. My family has a way of dealing with horrible things by cracking jokes and laughing about it, and I think that has definately helped me through some hard times, but it also has kept me from dealing with my true feelings. My sister and I even joked about having a handicapped child. "Well now we can park in the handicapped spots, like all the fat people at Wal-Mart, except you'll actually have a real reason to park there", or "maybe you can get a free wheelchair ramp ot of the deal". It may seem a little sick, but that's how we deal. I remember on the first year anniversary of my daughters death, who died from an accidental drowning. We were watering some plants we had planted and my cousin says "maybe we shouldn't be doing that, I mean honestly would you want water poured all over your grave if you had drowned" I looked at him kind of shocked for a minute, but then started cracking up. I swear even at funerals we're randomly laughing and making fun of things. Ok actually seeing this on paper, I think we're all sick and need some counseling ( :
Ok so I will be updating everything that has happened after I get home from the docs tomorrow, so here is my official prayer for a miracle, even if I'm not sure there is someone there to answer them. I guess it can't hurt.

Waiting....

I'm still waiting for my results on everything, it's been a week and I haven't heard anything from anyone. Josh seems to think that when I go into my appt. Thursday they will go over eveything with me. Well they say sometimes that no news is good news, so in my head I'm thinking that if it was really bad they would call me, but then again there isn't anything they can do about it until she's born, so what would be the point.
We had a nice quiet weekend. I think Josh has felt obligated to hang around with me and keep my mind off things. He took me and the kids, and my niece Haylie to the Bounce Zone down in Saco, which basically is a giant sports complex thing. They had a blast. I haven't mentioned anything to them about the baby yet until I find out more information. I don't want Chevelle to worry or get upset, she is very sensitive.
I have been feeling a little better about everything lately, I feel like when it comes down to it I'll be able to handle whatever comes my way. The first couple of days I think I drove Google nuts with my constant searching of anything I could find on hydrocephalus. I have to say Google beacame my worst enemy, because nothing I found seemed too encouraging or hopeful. I eventually came across different support groups, some which had links to families blogs whose children were born with hydrocephalus. This made me feel a little better because some of them had pretty good outcomes, others not so good, but it gives me hope.
I have to say when I first heard the news, all I could picture was taking care of someone in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and I have to admit I had some selfish thoughts, like Josh is going to be mad because we're supposed to travel the world when the kids are grown, how are we supposed to do that now? I know it seems horrible and silly, but I wasn't thinking straight. After I had time to reflect and think about it my thoughts turned into just not wanting my child to suffer or be in pain. I want them to have a happy life with no limitations, and god knows life is hard enough when you're able-bodied, never mind having physical and mental limitations. I also thought about Chevelle and Ethan, and my fear that they will feel neglected if I have to spend a lot of time in hospitals and a lot of time caring for Lilah. I also cried for Chevelle because she was so excited to have this sister. Brittany passed away before she was born, and all she would talk about was how bad she wanted a sister that she could know and play with. I'm worried that she will never get to play with her like she wanted to. Josh says what is the difference she's still going to have a sister? He always knows what to say to make me feel better.

MRI

Tuesday I had my MRI, which was at 1:30. I was told not to eat or drink anything for four hours before, so I was pretty hungry by the time I got there. They apparently had a MRI scheduled before mine that took a lot longer than they thought so I had to wait. Waiting kills me because I was nervous to begin with and now I had to sit there and have my anxiety build up before I went in. All I could imagine was being in that coffin-like thing for an hour. They finally took me in around 2:15 to do a screening which basically consists of them asking me a million questions. The radiologist informed me that as long as the babay wasn't moving around too much it should only take 20 minutes. This put my mind at ease a bit. They put me in my hospital gown and brought me in.
I've had a MRI in the past for migraines, but it was an open MRI, because of my claustrophobia. I was shocked at the difference in size. She told me I'd only be going in up to my head because all they needed to scan was my belly. I laid down with some earplugs and prayed I wouldn't pass out from the anxiety. I kind of freaked out at first, but after the first minute I calmed down and relaxed and it wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined it was going to be. I get up and get dressed and they said ok have a nice day. I guess I expcted a little more, like we'll call you with the results or something. So I guess it's just back home to play the waiting game.

Amnio

They set me up for the amnio last Monday, followed by the Fetal MRI Tuesday. To be honest I was more nervous about the MRI than the amnio, because I am so claustrophobic.
They diagnosed me on Thursday, and I had all this testing the beginning of the week. The weekend in between was pretty bad for me. I cried for two days straight (not in front of anyone mind you), and I didn't sleep for two days either. Thank god for Josh though, because he kept reassuring me that everything would be ok, and to think positive. I have to say his constant optimism and "glass half full" attiutude has annoyed me in the past but it really came in handy when I needed it.
Monday I had to be at Maine Med for 9, and again thank god for Josh because I was completely lost in that massive hospital I probably would of been late had he not been there. They finally called me in a half hour later and I was instantly nervous because there seemed like alot of people in the room just to stick a damn needle in me. They said it would only take up to a minute and it wasn't painful so relax (yeah right). Well they were right it didn't hurt, just kind of a weird pressure feeling, and they took out three syringes of fluid, and she shows it to me and says "wanna see your baby's pee?" So that was over and done with, now they just had to moniter me to make sure I didn't go into labor.
I was put in a room on a monitor and what do you know I'm having contractions (nothing can ever go smoothly), so they make me drink a lot of water, and go to the bathroom to see if that helped. It didn't so they had to give me medicine to stop them, which caused my heart to beat rapidly, and I was shaking uncontrollably. I finally got to go home after three hours. Ok all in all not that bad of an experience, except for the fact I have to wait 10-14 days for results. I also got a call on the way home from Dr. Pinette's (Fetal-Medicine) office, stating they set me up for an appt. Thursday the 11th for a follow-up ultrasound and meeting with the genetic counselers.

The Diagnosis

So I've never blogged before, but figured it might be a good way to keep family and friends informed on what's going on with the baby. I also thought it might be a way to keep me from going insane over these next couple of months while we're awaiting her birth. I apologize in advance for my less than stellar writing and spelling skills.....



I laugh now thinking back to New Years Eve, when Josh and I were reminiscing about the past ten years (We got together in Jan 2000). We were saying how many ups and downs, and heartaches, and joys we've had, and how we've managed to stick together and have a marriage and friendship that most people dream about. I then said that this decade was going to be amazing and even better than the last. Well four days later he lost his job of ten years, and we had no savings, a 1700 dollar a month mortgage and found myself 5 months pregnant with no health insurance. Josh said no big deal I'll start my own business, which he's been wanting to do for the longest time, he just was afraid to due to the fact that it was a big risk with owning a home, and having 3 kids and one on the way. I finally felt better, and things were starting to look up again, I couldn't wait for the baby to come, and we were so ecstatic that it was a girl (it's what everyone wanted).
I got a call from my doctor saying there was a problem with my bloodwork. I am RH negative, which normally doesn't cause a problem unless you're pregnant. They give you a shot of rho-gam during pregnancy, which is supposed to stop your body from producing antibodies against the baby, apparently mine didn't work (surprise surprise) and I had developed the antibodies. Apparently this only happens in 2% of pregnancies (lucky me), but does not usually pose a problem with this pregnancy (the biggest risk is anemia), but could pose a problem with future pregnancies. I didn't see this as a big deal anyways because we weren't planning on having anymore anyways. They set me up an appointment to talk to the fetal medicine doctor about it and that was that.

Last Thursday I went there thinking ok no big deal this should be a simple appointment. They gave me a routine ultrasound while I was there and thinking back nothing sticks out about it that would make me think something was wrong. She finished up and said ok the doc will be in to talk to you, I figured about the RH thing. It did seem to take them forever to come back in, which I did think was unusual because it was 5:00 and I figured they can't be that busy. Josh and I were laughing and making jokes as we always do, when he came in and sat down and said well I'll explain the RH thing in a moment because it's fairly simple, but we have something else going on that's not so simple. He then went on to explain that there was fluid backed up around the brain and that it's something called hydrocephalus. He said there was a 99% chance she would need a shunt when she was born to drain the fluid and thet he couldn't tell us what the outcome was because every case was different and it all depended on what the cause was too. He told us he didn't think it was something genetic (all my ultrasounds up until that point were normal), he said it could of been caused by an infection or aqueductal stenosis (I'll explain all this medical stuff in a later post) He set me up an aminio to rule out abnormalities, and a fetal MRI I guess to get a better picture of the baby's brain and see if they can see anything distinct that could be causeing the blockage.