My velly is 8!

Chevelle turned 8 yesterday. I can't believe how fast time flies. I have been thinking I need to slow down and try to remember them this little, because before you know it they will be all grown up ) :
My friend Kristie came up from Mass, with her boyfriend and his sister. Even though we have a party planned for Chevelle on the 17th, we decided to take her to Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate. Kat came with Jack, and Randy, Ryan, and Josh headed over there after work. The plan was to let the kids play for awhile, then Kat would take all the kids home, and Josh and I would head over to the hospital with Kristie and crew to see Lilah. Earlier in the day we called over there to see if the drain had been reinserted, it had which wasn't a big surprise, so I knew we would be seeing her all hooked up when we arrived. As usual she was sleeping peacefully on her tummy, the position she seems to prefer. Her nurse Leslie came in, and said there wasn't much difference in the fluid from day 1 of being off the drain until yesterday, but it was there, and Allen wanted to put it in just to be safe. He is going to be on vacation this week, so he wanted to do it before he left. There is another neurologist on call, but he thought it best that he do the procedure himself. She also informed me that he anticipated that she would only need it for a couple days or so, but again since he is going to be on vacation he is just going to keep it in until he returns. It can't hurt to keep it in longer than they anticipate she needs it. Her oxygen sats had improved too, so that was nice to hear. A new nurse that I hadn't met before was taking care of her, and she was so sweet. She kept telling me that she thought Lilah was just about the sweetest thing she ever saw. That made this Mommy proud ( :

Josh was working today all day, so Kristin picked me up in the morning to go see her, when we arrived they were just starting morning rounds. I like being present during these, because you can hear some info that maybe the nurse forgot to inform you about, although I have to say half the things that come out of their mouths are medical terms I don't quite understand. I am starting to catch on to what they are talking about. I think that is the first indication you spend way too much time in a hospital. This time I didn't hear anything new, except for the fact that her drain had put out a lot more fluid since last night, and that they had to re-insert her IV fluids, because they have to replace the fluids they are taking out. Leslie also told the neonatologist that she was doing well , and this morning she was awake and alert for a long time. I was happy to hear this because it seems everytime I come in she is sleeping. I was worried about that. I don't remember my other cildren sleeping that much, but I guess if someone had to go through all the poking and prodding she does on a daily basis, they would want to sleep too.

I was visiting for about a half an hour, when the social worker came in. I had met her the night before my c-section, she had come in to see if she could help me with anything. They have these homes called Ronald Mcdonald houses, they are for parents who have children in the hospital, and need a place to stay close by. I had told her when I had previously spoken to her that we wouldn't need them because we lived close by. Today when she came in she informed me that even though I didn't need to sleep there, that if we had the children during the day, and wanted to visit Lilah without them one of us could take them to the Mcdonald house. They have an indoor and outdoor play area, and free meals all day. It was nice to know this was an option. She also told me she wanted to mention that because Lilah had a brain issue, and could have problems in the future, that we should consider applying for SSI. They would probably deny her, because there is no way to know right now if there is damage, but if we kept on appealing until there was a confirmation from a doctor saying she indeed had problems, then we would get retroactive from the day we filed. For example, if we applied now, if in 3 years they learn she has learning dissabilities, and was eligible we would get 3 years worth of benefits. I told her I would take down the number, but I have apprehensions about calling, becaus I feel I should be hoping for the best not preparing for the worst, and even if she has a dissablility, unless it is severe, I want her to think she can do anything she puts her mind to. Saying to her, here is some money because you are disabled, seems like I might limit her potential for great things. That probably sounds stupid, but it's how I feel at the moment.

Every day I feel like my time with Lilah is too short, but I know she is being well cared for, and my kids at home need me. Even so, as soon as I leave the hospital all I think about is how I can't wait until I see her again. I feel like I am leaving a piece of my heart behind, every time I walk out the door. I can not wait until I can take her home, I don't think I will be able to put her down. I have to make it up to her, the lack of contact. I wan't her to feel completely and utterly surrounded with love. I am hoping this is the last draining and we can focus on her gaining weight and eating so she can be home with us. It's funny that you can feel such a void and emptiness in your home for someone that has never lived there (besides in my belly lol). I am praying she will be home soon and all this will just seem like a bad dream! I will post soon with updates.